Book review- How to Win Friends & Influence People

The whole writers strike got me kicked off my TV habit but good. Where I used to watch about 20 hours of TV a week, I am now down to about 3-4 (that would be, in no particular order, South Park, Family guy, American Dad, Lost, 30 Rock, and occasionally My Name is Earl.) Throw in maybe one Yankees Game a week too. Suffice to say, where I was once a fat bloated dirty Idaho couch potato, I am now a lean, white, peeled spud.
This being said, I have found that I have a glut of time to myself, and to nurture my mind. In particular, I've been having some pretty outstanding reads. One of which was Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People."

For those of you outside the business world, this book is pretty much the Mecca to which salespeople should bow. It was written in the late 1930's, with the advice contained therein holding up 70 years later. The Rules, in a nutshell, look something like this:

How to Handle People

1. Don’t Criticize, Condemn, or complain

2. Give Honest and sincere appreciation

3. Arouse in the other person an eager want

How to make People like you

1. Become genuinely interested in people

2. Smile

3. Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and the most important sound in any language

4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves

5. Talk in terms of the other persons interests

6. Make the other person feel important- and do it sincerely

Win People to your Way of thinking

1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it

2. Show respect for the other person’s opinions, Never say “you’re wrong”

3. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically

4. Begin in a friendly way

5. Get the other person saying “yes yes” immediately

6. Let the other person do a great deal of talking

7. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers

8. Try honestly to see things from the other persons point of view

9. Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires

10. Appeal to the nobler motives

11. Dramatize your ideas

12. Throw down a challenge

See? Now you don't have to buy the book! Just kidding. I normally borrow books from the library, but this one was a buy. These are simple rules to follow - in sales, I DEFINITELY can vouch for the fact that people like to talk about themselves. Conversations will flow very easily once someone is in a position of familiarity, or discussing a subject which they are an authority on.

The clincher for me buying this book, however, was how effective it made me when interacting with my wife and son.

You know those commercials you hear on the radio, about how you can buy some program that will get a disobedient child to listen with but a few small phrases? With my 4 and a half year old, I just had to throw in the 1) making him feel important and 2) talking in terms of others interests, and that worked a heck of a lot better than "If you don't listen, you won't get xyz". With my wife, I also find that putting out what I think are her feelings/ideas first, so she can understand where I draw conclusions from- this seems to fly well with her. And naturally, as Carnegie proscribes, when I'm off - which is often- I admit it quickly.

In fact, today, when I DIDN'T try things the "Carnegie" way, I could easily tell, halfway through an argument, that I didn't persuade anyone. Luckily, I have good medical insurance.

Although I can see why some modern authors would consider the attitude presented cliche, with the advice worn and weathered, I found the book to be refreshing. Not just in a sales sense, but in a sense of how one should treat others. I haven't read "The Secret", but I hear the gist of the tale is that "think good things, and good things will happen." I think that is just a paraphrasing of what is summed up by this book, which would be "Treat others well, just as you would be treated, and good things will happen." Which, granted, sounds a little like what Jesus said. But I'm sure he probably purloined that from some Roman as well.

To my adoring fan.....s (aka "scriptor vel intereo")

The following comment was entered sometime yesterday

"I have decided that you NEED to write more regularly. I really think you have a lot to say."
~Snoopmurph

I should call her "Snoopmuse" because quite frankly, I am writing because of her. This woman, whose name is Linda, is the blogger @ http://www.snoopmurph.blogspot.com/ . She has more plates spinning than I have in my kitchen and dining room cabinet combined, and she still finds time to tell me to get off my ass and write. By the way, she writes a damn good blog.

I've been doing a LOT of reading lately. I mean a LOT. So much, in fact, that I actually brought a professional speed reading book (called, coincidentally enough, "Speed reading for Professionals" by Barron's) so that I could read more in less time. The reason is not so complex. I want to improve myself. Understand that I'm not down on myself- this is more of a "go from so-so to great" attempt. Sad to say, I'm not getting any younger. And, quite frankly, I'm not anywhere near where I thought I would be when I was a young lad. I wish I had a good amount of role models around me who owned their own businesses, versus being employees- because this is truly what I want to do. Sadly, this is not the case, so I have been looking to outside sources (ie reading) to help build some pillars as a foundation for my future growth.

What is funny, is that in all my reading, most of the folks that are successful mention their ability to communicate, including being able to WRITE well. Shocker eh? I think I have some aspects of "communicate" pretty well wrapped up- and this can be attributed to the various sales experiences I've had over the past 11 years or so (and, thank you to the managers/trainers out there). But I have only been successful in sales (and, in my opinion, in communication) in a small, isolated field (mostly pharmaceutical).

So, yes Linda, you are right, I DO need to write more. This stuff is euphoric, cathartic, and apparently being good at it makes people want to listen to you more. Go Figure. Thanks for reminding me